Transformation Is Not Guaranteed: What an Unopened Chrysalis Teaches Us About Becoming
The moment you recognize that transformation is not guaranteed, and the importance of cultivating supportive internal and external conditions.
Above is a picture of a chrysalis I placed to rest on a Queen Anne's lace flower that never opened.
Every time I look at it, I am reminded of something that feels difficult to say, but important to name and remember:
Transformation is not guaranteed.
We love the story of the butterfly because we know how it ends.
The caterpillar grows…
It enters the chrysalis…
Transforms…
Breaks through…
It opens its wings…
And eventually, it flies and pollinates its purpose.
But that may not be the story of every caterpillar…
The experience of nurturing caterpillars taught a very powerful firsthand life lesson around our internal and external conditions, equity, as well as our choices and active participation within our process.
Instead of Five, There Were Seven
When I received caterpillars to nurture, I was supposed to receive five.
Instead, I received seven.
Five of the caterpillars were similar in size and appeared to be at a similar stage of development. The other two were much smaller.
At first, having two extra caterpillars felt exciting! Like an extra special surprise!
…But as I watched them grow, I began noticing something important.
The environment they had entered had been prepared for the developmental needs of the original five—just like how some environments are created for some to succeed.
Those five had relatively easy access to their food. They ate, grew, and gained the strength they needed for what came next.
The other two had a different experience.
Since they were smaller and at a different stage of development, they had to navigate the same environment differently. They had to find ways to support their growth. I watched as they had to learn how to “dig” down to the food—the best little caterpillar legs not made for digging could dig—and work within conditions that had not necessarily been designed for what they needed at that particular stage.
I watched them creatively adapt and how their journeys unfolded differently.
The five original caterpillars eventually formed their chrysalises.
…And five butterflies emerged 🦋
But
Of the two smaller caterpillars, one never made it beyond the caterpillar stage.
The other made it farther, it formed its chrysalis.
…But it never emerged.
The Unexpected Life Lessons
That unopened chrysalis stayed with me
Because it challenged something we often assume about transformation.
We see the chrysalis and think the butterfly is inevitable.
…But forming the chrysalis wasn't enough.
The transformation had begun.
…But it was never completed.
And I couldn't stop thinking about how human that felt.
How many times do we recognize that something in our lives is complete?
How many times do we know we have outgrown a role, relationship, environment, identity, pattern, or way of living?
How many times do we even begin making a change, but remain somewhere between who we were and who we are becoming?
We may deeply desire the wings, but wanting our wings and preparing for them are not the same thing.
What Happens Before the Chrysalis Matters
We tend to celebrate the visible moments of transformation.
The new job, business launch, relationship, the move, finally speaking our boundaries, the dream finally pursued, the wings.
But there is so much that happens before anyone sees them.
A caterpillar must nourish itself before it ever enters the chrysalis.
It must grow, respond to its environment, and have enough strength for the developmental process ahead.
I believe there is something here for us, too.
Our becoming is significantly influenced by the conditions in which our becoming is happening in.
This is why the environments in which you are living, working, and serving in matter. I have worked in several toxic environments that took a part of my heart at the time and hid it…those environments caused a lot of pain. Yet when we can notice the need to change, as a human, we get to create that change—this is what makes our story different than the butterfly’s. YOU are the creator and cultivator of your environment. However, easier said than done, right?
I teach my Guided Metamorphosis co-hearts, coaching clients, and even within my children’s books the importance of your conditions and looking for anything that “POPS” that can you change (within the “E” for Environment in my HEART-Centered Decision-Making process).
People - are the relationships around you supporting you and/or your decisions that, or does a change need to be made?
Objects - are there any physical things needed to support you and/or your decisions, or does a change need to be made?
Place - are you in a supportive place for you and/or your decisions, or does a change need to be made?
Self - if external conditions are not able to be changed, is there something within yourself that can support you and/or your decisions, or does a change need to be made? Like pausing, internal boundaries, nervous system regulation, etc.?
Other reflection questions to consider:
What are you consuming?
Who surrounds you?
What environments are shaping you?
Where are you receiving nourishment?
Where are you depleted?
What are you tolerating because you've learned how to survive it?
And perhaps one of the most important questions:
Are the conditions of your life supporting who you are becoming—or consuming the very strength you need to become them?
Sometimes the Conditions Need to Change
There is another part of this experience that has stayed with me.
I had been given instructions for caring for the caterpillars.
One of those instructions directly stated—multiple times—not to open the lid.
So I didn't.
I followed the directions.
…But as I watched the two smaller caterpillars struggle to access their food, eventually another thought came to me:
What if they need something different?
What if I needed to remove some of the waste that had accumulated so they could more easily reach their nourishment?
By the time I considered intervening differently, it was already too late. Which is a whole other life lesson about being on time for our life, but I want to reiterate again about the power of being a human is that as long as there is still breath in your lungs, there is a chance to make a new decision aligned with your HEART and take action.
I will never know whether doing something differently would have changed their outcomes, and I don't want to pretend that I do, but the experience left me with a question much bigger than caterpillars:
What happens when the “instructions” we've been given no longer match what we actually need for our becoming?
Sometimes we follow the rules and structures because they once kept us safe or are an embedded routine, or we continue doing what we've been taught because it worked for someone else. At times we remain in environments because we have learned how to function within them, and sometimes we become so focused on doing things "right" that we stop listening for what our own inner knowing is telling us.
This is where discernment (and HEART-centered decision-making) becomes essential.
The Path of the Heart is not always the easiest path…
Often it is the most challenging, but it is challenging because it matters for your growth and becoming.
The Path of the Heart may ask us to listen beneath what we've been told, to notice what is actually happening rather than what we thought was supposed to happen, to recognize that what supported one stage of our development cannot necessarily support the next, and sometimes, it asks us to change the conditions.
No One Else Can Create Your Chrysalis
There is another truth within the butterfly's transformation that I believe we often overlook.
No one creates the chrysalis for the caterpillar.
No one crawls inside and performs the transformation on its behalf.
When it is time to emerge, no one can break through the chrysalis for the butterfly.
That work belongs to the butterfly.
Just like the butterfly, some parts of our becoming belong to us, too.
Other people can support us, love us, guide us, can help us see possibilities we cannot yet see for ourselves, and can help create environments in which transformation becomes more possible…
…But other people cannot choose our transformation for us.
Only you can create your chrysalis and choose your becoming.
Only you can do the breaking through that belongs to you.
That doesn't mean transformation happens alone.
Quite the opposite.
I believe in the importance of creating internal and external conditions that support our becoming: our community, environment, guidance, and nourishment matter.
But support and agency are not the same thing.
Someone can create supportive conditions around us,
But we still have to participate in our own becoming.
Your Wings Are Already Within You
This is one of the reasons I return again and again to the butterfly.
The caterpillar doesn't become something completely unrelated to itself.
The possibility of the butterfly was already there, but possibility alone wasn't enough.
There is still a developmental process and journey that contains a need for nourishment and preparation.
There is still the chrysalis, emergence, and strengthening of the wings before flight.
Perhaps our becoming asks the same of us.
There is often more within us than we have yet been able to fully express.
More love.
Courage.
Creativity.
Leadership.
Service.
Possibility.
More of our gifts waiting to be shared.
But knowing something is within us does not eliminate the developmental process required to become capable of living it.
We still need to create the conditions, need to listen within, intentionally make choices, take action, and ultimately choose our becoming.
Where Are You in Your Metamorphosis?
Maybe you are still in the caterpillar stage, and something in you knows you need different nourishment.
Have you outgrown an environment that once supported you?
Perhaps you are realizing how much energy you have been using to “survive” conditions that no longer fit.
There is a chance that you already know what is complete, but you haven't chosen what comes next, yet.
…and maybe you've entered the chrysalis and you're in the uncomfortable space where the old version of you no longer fits, but the new one isn't fully formed…
Or your wings are already there and you are discovering that having wings and trusting yourself to use them are two different stages of becoming.
Wherever you are, I want to invite you to consider:
Who am I becoming?
And
What conditions does my becoming require of me now?
What needs nourishment?
What needs to be released?
What environment needs to change?
What instruction have you been following that may no longer fit?
What does your heart already know?
And what action is yours to take?
Because transformation is not something we simply wait for, and becoming is not something another person can choose on our behalf.
Your wings are already within you…But your becoming still asks for your participation.
Invitation: Guided Metamorphosis™
Guided Metamorphosis™ was created for heart-centered changemakers who know something has become complete but aren't quite sure how to move into what is next.
It is not about forcing transformation or becoming someone you aren't.
It is about intentionally creating the internal and external conditions that support more of who you already are to emerge.
Sometimes we don't need someone to tell us what our butterfly should look like, we need the conditions, space, guidance, and support that help us hear our own hearts clearly enough to discover it for ourselves.
If you recognize yourself somewhere in this story and feel pulled to explore your own next stage of becoming, I invite you to reach out to me to learn more about Guided Metamorphosis™.
Your transformation belongs to you, but you don't have to create all of the conditions for it alone.
Butterfly Wisdom 🦋
Nourish your becoming, so your wings have the strength to emerge.
Have you noticed that your current conditions may not be supporting you? Want to explore this further? I offer a complimentary Exploration Session that may align to help you.
The Butterfly Within Me Sees, Honors, and Values The Butterfly Within You,
